I wish we had enjoyed lunch together today.
I had my 30 week check-up today for baby girl. Everything seems to be going how it's supposed to be. That's my cautiousness talking. I'll never tire of listening to her heart beat, and I'll never feel confident until I'm holding her in my arms. She's so active, seems like she's constantly moving. She still doesn't have a name. Why is naming kids so hard? Mom and I were talking the other night about how the two of you chose names. Interesting how it all works out, isn't it?
Mitch and I will keep talking about it, or maybe I should say start talking about it. Seems like such a sensitive topic for us lately. I think because we both feel so strongly for this little girl, and picking something so permanent and meaningful is really very scary.
Today at lunch I would have talked to you about this blog. When I originally started this blog, you were still alive. I didn't tell you about it, because as past posts have mentioned, I thought maybe one day I would just be able to show you the things on here.
I've deleted several posts. I was putting my crafts and things I was working on up here, but when you passed away, I sort of freaked out and deleted almost everything. In hindsight, that was a mistake. I still want to show you, and I still want to make you proud.
So, I think I'll start putting some projects back on here. Is that strange? These are some of my most heartfelt and personal feelings. Do I mix that with a love for creating? I love reading craft blogs. They are very inspiring, and seem so fulfilling for the people behind them. Crafting is also one of my favorite times for myself because it gives me the perfect chance to reflect on our time together. It's like doing dishes. People always have their biggest epiphanies while washing dishes, don't they? I remember moments of our time together that I haven't thought of in years when I'm crafting. Like my mind is free to soak in and cherish every memory I have of you.
Some people are great at just jumping right in and doing whatever they want. I'm not. I'm an over-thinker.
So, I've thought this to the point of exhaustion, and really I've just come to the conclusion, "why am I fighting myself so hard on this?!"
So, here goes dad. I know you would support me, you always have.